Octomom aka Nadya Suleman was very honest and brave when she dared to open up the doors to her home in an exclusive interview for The Oprah Winfrey Show on Tuesday (April 20). The 34 year-old mother-of-fourteen confessed she feels extremely guilty for being an unemployed mom after she gave birth to her octuplets last year.

“I live every single day every hour of the day with a tremendous amount of guilt,” she went on. “And I feel guilty when I hold the one or two and then that I can’t be there for the others. And they’re crying. And then I feel guilty. Look at the older ones. They all have different unique needs. And I’ll live with this forever. But all I can do now is keep on going, keep moving. Keep on trying to be the most devoted mother I can be.”

Octomom’s house is a complete chaos. There are children everywhere. Elijah, 8; Amerah, 7; Joshua, 6, Aiden, 5 (who’s autistic); twins Caleb and Calyssa, 3; and the 14-month octuplets, Noah, Maliyah, Isaiah, Nariyah, Makai, Josiah, Jeremiah and Jonah. They are so young and need attention to grow up to be healthy, emotionally and physically.

Nadya now recognizes that her unexplainable desire to have that many children was a reckless attempt to fill some missing piece in her own childhood, a deeper connection with other human beings. Nadya takes full responsibility for her mistakes but she does not regret them. How can she? They are kids!

“Looking back, I’ve always coveted that connection, that attachment to another being. And the connection felt safer with children than with a significant other, more predictable,” said Suleman. “The security — I was hungering for the security.”

“We’re surviving,” she said. “We’re so busy going, going, going, moving, moving, moving, trying to keep up that you don’t have time to think, to reflect, to feel anything. And it is a choice. I own all of the responsibility for my poor choices in the past.

“Do I regret [it]?” she then asked. “You can’t regret children. But the choices were childish. They were immature. They were selfish. Are we defined by our choices? Our behavior? Our actions? No. I don’t believe that defines our worth. “I feel as though I wasn’t thinking at that time,” she continued. “If I could go back, would I make different choices? Maybe. At this point, I know and I need to teach my children that we need to learn, we need to grow, we need to keep on growing and transcending, and we need to make the best possible choices. And when we make poor choices, all you can do is really, really learn from that and grow from that. Try not to repeat it.”

This is a very complicated and sad story. Nadya is doing everything she can to provide for her children and has to rely on media appearance for money. This woman is completely insane. She was not fit to have children but she has fourteen children. She desperately needs help, a lot of help!

In the video shown on Oprah, Calyssa is stepping on her brother Noah, kids are crying, playing around and Nadya ends up threatening one of her kids to get up and go to school before child protective services (a new version of the Bogeyman!) take him away.

Octomom Chaotic Home Video On Oprah Below