The beautiful Ashley Judd finally speaks out about her demons and exposes her darkest secrets, including depression, suicidal thoughts and a horrific history of sexual abuse, in a raw memoir titled “All That Is Bitter & Sweet”.
The 42 year-old actress claims she had a very unstable and unhappy childhood and blames her mom, country legend Naomi Judd, and sister, Wynonna Judd, who were too busy with their country music careers. Ashley attended 13 different schools between the ages of 5 to 18.
“My childhood was erratic, chaotic, unstable,” she told People. “I was so the lost child, who just goes away and can be invisible while sitting in the middle of the room.”
“I know that my mom did the best she could as did my dad,” Judd continues, “but for a variety of reasons, it was just hurtful.”
Ashley also revealed she was often left with caretakers who consumed drugs or molested her as a child. She claims there are still a lot of repressed memories of sexual assault just coming to the surface now.
Here are some excerpts of Ashley Judd’s “All That Is Bitter & Sweet”:
“My mother, while she was transforming herself into the country legend Naomi Judd, created an origin myth for the Judds that did not match my reality. I loved my mother, but at the same time I dreaded the mayhem and uncertainty that followed her everywhere. I often felt like an outsider observing my mom’s life as she followed her own dreams.”
“She and my sister [Wynonna] have been quoted as saying that our family put the ‘fun’ in dysfunction. I wondered: ‘Who, exactly, was having all the fun? What was I missing?’”
“I was taught to believe that our lifestyle was normal and never to question it or complain, even when I was left alone for hours, sometimes days at a time, or when I was passed without warning to yet another relative. There was always marijuana inside the house.”
“An old man everyone knew beckoned me into a dark, empty corner of the business and offered me a quarter for the pinball machine at the pizza place if I’d sit on his lap. He opened his arms, I climbed up, and I was shocked when he suddenly cinched his arms around me, squeezing me and smothering my mouth with him jabbing his tongue deep into my mouth.”
The actress said she was exposed to an unhealthy environment growing up as her mother started to bring men home and she was forced to listen to wild sex sessions and violent fights. Ashley once witnessed her mom Naomi pulling a gun at one of her “boyfriends”.
When Ashley won a modeling competition in high school, she went to Japan thinking her life would change, but it turned into a nightmare. Ashley was sexually harassed by one of the bosses and a male model, who tried to force her to perform oral sex. Ashley also claims she was raped in the car of a French businessman after she accepted a ride home.
Back in 2006, Ashley, who is happily married to racecar driver Dario Franchitti since 2001, finally went to rehab to seek professional help for depression. She confessed, “I would have died without it. It has improved my life on every level.”
“Our painful past becomes our greatest asset,” Ashley says. “Now I can look at it and say, ‘Wow, that shouldn’t have happened to a dog much less a child.’ “
Wow. I’m speechless!